The Midterm Report

I'm 20 and a half today. No, there won't be a party, no cake, none of that. Keine halben Sachen, no points for halfway.

What has this half year looked like?

I celebrated my birthday in Hhfn, for the second time in three years. As I recall, we spent the morning of my birthday in Kiel, because R. was taking part in a triathalon. It rained, and they had to keep postponing the swimming. In the evening we went to see Das Leben der Anderen, which was a great film. It was nice to be there, nice to celebrate with them. I have pictures.

I went to Braunschweig after that, visited my sister, met a girl who would become one of my best friends in Freiburg. I spent a week without coffee and with withdrawal headaches. I ran. Every day.

I went to Freiburg. I spent a rainy week with wet shoes and decreasing spirits, trying to find somewhere to live that was a) more or less central, b) not filled with strange people, c) furnished, d) not horribly expensive, e) some place I would want to live. I found everything but (c), signed my lease, left the Jugendherberge that had become my home and, with the trepidation of a new location, moved to Mainz.

There I spent almost two months working in the Parliament, living in the House of Representatives with a wonderful Czech girl who was my constant companion. We spent our evenings watching TV, hanging out, wandering around, walking along the Rhine, swimming, what have you; we spent our weekends on trips to the Rhine valley, to Heidelberg, to Trier, with friends of hers or alone. I learned a lot, grew up some, met some lovely people and was sad to leave.

The stuff I had brought and bought barely fit in my backpack and three plastic bags, and I barely made it in to Freiburg where A. picked me up at the train station. I was promptly interrogated by the ticket guy on the tram in my first and only such experience. I moved in, I registered, I tried the hard way to learn the German system. I transported bookshelves in the bus. I bought things. I ran. Every day. I went to classes. I sat in the back, was very confused, and spent all day reading, grocery shopping, and running in the time I wasn't in class. I spent my weekends with long walks, with friends, in town, going out, staying in, watching movies, going to concets, going to the movies, talking. I built a circle of friends, slowly but surely. I gave presentations; each one became easier and less stressful. I tried hard. Mostly, I succeeded, if sometimes imperfectly.

I went to Bonn, got to know some great people and one person in particular. I had a blast, heard some interesting and some boring presentations, fought off a cold and had a time of it. I went to HHfn for Christmas, celebrating in a house full of people, of laughter, of music and baked goods, chocolate and champagne. I ran. Every day. I enjoyed the sea and the sand, the bit of freedom you get from looking out over the water.

The very first minute of 2007 found me somewhere between Potsdamer Platz and the Brandenburg Gate, celebrating amid the madness and mayhem that is Berlin at New Year’s. Once again, nice to be with my adopted family; I always look forward to seeing them and being there, and they are part of the reason that my experiences in Germany have been so good, as well as the reason I love Berlin. It was wonderful to see my other sister, whom I had not seen for a year and a half, whose adventures and wanderlust had taken her to far off places, left her with many memories and hundreds of pictures.

I took their guitar back with me, back to my little corner of Germany and my high-ceilinged room. Several of my friends and relatives noticed the frequency with which I was either dinner guest or host to a tall (light and) handsome stranger who, over the course of our evenings became less and less strange; perhaps I was slowly realizing how familiar we were. The end of January marked the turning point.

Such of February that has already passed has been completely new territory to me, wonderful and disorienting. I think I’ve sort of got my balance back now. I don’t know what the future holds for us and I don’t want to think about it; in the meantime I am enjoying every minute I can get out if it, I am enjoying that my toothbrush isn’t alone, that there is someone to whom I am not a blood relative who is there for me and for whom I can be there, that I would have a shoulder to cry on (if I had a reason to cry, which I don’t, and if I could reach it), that someone makes me laugh and keeps me from taking things too seriously, that I don’t have to pretend to be dumb, or smart, or older, or anything but who and what I am.

Happy February to you all, whoever you are. Hope yours is as good as mine, if you pardon my immodesty.