How to take the tram: A beginner's guide

A thoughtful and useful guide to those unused to German trams.

Step 1: Find your nearest tram station. Helpfully located at frequent intervals, it's a snap to find the tram that's right for you. Check the direction and make sure it stops at the station you want. There is often a handy electronic display telling you when to expect the next tram which, unlike similar displays in Boulder, for instance, actually display to the minute the next arrival, compared to the "+/- 45 minutes" offered by RTD.

Step 2: Wait for the tram. It won't take long, and because it's Germany, the trams are frequent and punctual. At this point all passangers are relatively evenly spaced along the platform.



Step 3: Work your way with determination towards the doors, and try and guess their exact location as the tram is pulling in so as to be closest. Queuing does not exist. Waiting paitiently will get you a perpetual standing-room-only tram experience. Press button to open doors. Forgetting this step leaves one standing, frustrated, as the tram leaves again, without having been able to board.



Step 4: Stand aside as the flood of passangers disembarks. This may be a lengthy process if an elderly person is involved, as they tend to take up the entire door area and move exceptionally slowly.

Step 5: Try and get a seat. It is customary to give up your seat to elderly people, mothers with children, or anyone looking unsteady or who smells funny. In the last case, both seats are usually vacated. If you don't get a seat you will have to stand, and will have to do your best not to fall on people if your driver is particularly energetic. If you have suitcases, large bags, a pram/stroller, or any other large object you will have to stand.

Step 6: At your stop, try to get off. This may be complicated both by mobility-impaired elderly people and non-mobility-impaired elderly people--in the latter case, these individuals will practically run you over, shove you out of the way, and usually hurl a few dirty looks--or in worst case scenario, words--as they depart.

I had the experience of boarding a relatively full tram with a suitcase (35 kg, 70 lbs) and a violin. As it was full and I had lots of stuff I stood next to the door. At the next big station everyone wanted off--I was practically squashed into the wall by the flood of humanity disembarking, and because everyoone had to go around me to get out I had several old people intentionally jostle me on their way out as emphasis to their "you're certainly standing in a stupid place" comment. My options were few--before anyone got off, there was nowhere else to go, and as they were getting off I couldn't well remove myself and my suitcase to allow people to get off, which would be equivalent to the old-lady-with-walker-who-blocks-everything-for-ten-minutes-getting-out. I usually just ignore comments like that but I felt a need to shoot back a cynical "as if I had a choice."


It is a well-known fact that elderly Germans love to be opinionated, and love to share that opinion with you. If you are carrying large objects, anything bulky, and/or anything that would better be transported by car, you may expect sharp observations on how there are "better ways to do things." Note the lack of help offered. Elderly people find it their duty to instruct other people's children in public places, giving them a hard time for laughing too loud or whatnot.

And woe unto ye who adress elderly people with "Hi!" instead of "Good Day."