January thoughts

Today's webcam bild. Am Schwabentor.

It's an odd thing, sitting here in January, listening to the birds chirping and discovering the tiny little flowers blooming guiltily amongst stems of grass. The sun is shining and the world seems brighter, more vibrant somehow. Goes to show I'm solar powered. Or perhaps it's just a lack of sleep.

I haven't decided if I like the weather. The part of me that needs to be outside all the time, the part of me that likes running and hiking, the part of me that is solar dependant, loves the 50-degree weather, the sunshine, and the budding trees. The part of me that is somewhat attuned to natural rhythms, for example, thinks this is just pretty damn weird. Or is it wierd? (I never know). Some small part of me hopes for snow, (yes, me...snow...and no, I haven't suffered a recent head injury) at least to try out cross country skiing, which is apparently quite fun. I'd just be happy with more daylight; I don't like the fact that the 'day' doesn't start till about 8 AM.

A conversation with a friend recently gave me the solution to my time-wasting problem. I tend to spend far too much free time screwing around, surfing the 'net, not researching, not writing, not doing much of anything productive. So I unplugged my internet, told myself I could have it back in an hour, which turned into an hour and a half, and got more done in that time than I had completed in five hours the day before. Amazing. But now that my time is somewhat constrained by my internship I actually have to plan ahead again and actually get to work during the time allotted.

But enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me?

No, seriously, subject change. Forgive me if I become somewhat philosophical, or at least reflective. My aspirations tend more towards the latter; even your grandma knows I'm no philosopher.

Why are we here?

No, too philosophical.

The pressing question (here I imagine the question as a giant airbag, laden with implications, seeking to physically push me into the ground. Perhaps other people have hard questions, but I like mine squishy) is, what makes people the way they are? It is my favorite question to ask people, ask them where they came from, how they came to be doing what they are doing, why they picked this or that subject to study or none at all, how they came to be florists, dentists, why they dreamed of being an electrician and why they now design paperweights, how they met their significant other. I try to imagine what the perspective would have looked like--how much of the decision was intentional, how much accidental? Some people, I am pretty sure--after being unable to discern any intention or direction whatsoever--just "end up" somewhere, doing something. Sometimes they are happy, sometimes they are not happy.

Stories. Personal histories. Choices. Lack of choices (the worst curse). Alternatives. Hope and enthusiasm. What happens when you have a dream? How does that change you? Are you afraid?

Let's change the subject. Hypothetically, if you were sitting on a public bus, if you were the only passanger seated next to the window, and someone got on.... and instead of sitting in one of the myriad odd free seats--using the normal calculation: distance from person seated to door, divide by half if you don't want to sit in the front; or, more simply, seating yourself at approximately one-half-bus-length from said person, wherever that puts you--instead of doing that, this person sits down *right next to you*.

What would you do? What do you think about that? Would it bother you?

Tell me. I want to know.