Vignettes of my trip....

Learn at least please, thank you, excuse me, help, and I'm lost in whatever languague. After this point, the best you can do is point, nodd, smile, and look desperate.

Never wear white tennis shoes. Those who wish you ill will spot you at a hundred yards, And those, such as myself, who find such tourists amusing, will also spot you, and secretly laugh maliciously. Also advantagous are multiple pairs of (comfortable) shoes, in case of inclement weather, necessity of matching outfits, blisters, dog poo, or any of a number of eventualities. Hate your feet, hate your life.

Being cold = catching cold. Watch out.

The bread in France is good. For a whitebread country, pretty damn fantastic. I didn't try the bread much in Spain but what I did try wasn't good. On the flipside, as a whitebread country, I would ocasionally trade my as of yet unexistant firstborn for some Schwarzbrot or Dinkelvollkorn.

You drink hot drinks from a bowl. Not a cup. I find this strange, somehow cool, and dangerous in that one serving is the size of half a can of coffee.

Meals are eaten in courses. First your vegetables, then your meat and hot foods, next salad, then the cheese, then the fruit, and sometimes even a dessert. Word to the wise, don't fill up on the first course or you won't make it to the cheese course without exploding.

And the cheese is fantastic, which it should be given that there are 375 different kinds and none from the region of Antibes. Too hot for cows, I guess.

Ask and ye shall receive, and try it first in French. Switching into English when at first they don't understand does not make it easier for them, and not even for you.

Beware of people who talk to you for no reason.

"So I speak English too." "So I see." "I learned it, you see, but it was a punishment. You know this one? A man is arrested by the police and they tell him, you have two choices. Either you go to prison for three years or you learn English. Okay, I learn English, he says. So they put the headphones on him and after ten minutes he says, wait, wait, I take it back, send me to prison!"

A toilet may consist of a hole in the ground. Beware while flushing.

French motorway are not for the feint of heart. Navigation may be tricky, and roudabouts are your best friend. Just keep going round and round and round and round until you figure out where the hell you are. Oherwise you end up on a tollway interstate to somewhere, with exits every half hour.

Je ne sais pas, où je vais, ou ça j'avais jamais bien su. Mais si jamais je le savais? je crois bien que je n'irais plus.....