Subtitle: let's not kid ourselves.
What you say (what you mean)
A: Hi (hi.)
B: Hi! (hi.)
A: How have you been? (haven't seen you in a long time and have no idea what's happened to your life.)
B: Pretty well, thanks. Yourself? (well, my boyfriend/gilfriend just left me and I need to find a new place to live ASAP. I hope your life is worse than mine, so I'll feel better.)
A: Doing just fine. (except I'm broke and have had the flu for two weeks. But your lot sounds worse off, so there's that...)
B: Good to hear. Crappy weather we've got. (I can't think of anything to say.)
A: Yeah, no kidding. Hasn't rained like this in weeks. (I can't think of anything either.)
B: Supposed to get better tomorrow. (Ummmmm.....)
A: Yeah, we'll see. This rain sucks! (Ummmm......)
B: Well, I've got to run. We should catch up sometime... (This is getting awkward, so I'm bailing. Let's not have this conversation again any time soon.)
A: Definately. I've actually gotta run too, but I'll drop you a line sometime. (Yay, an exit. Don't wait for my call.)
B: Excellent! Yeah, well, take care! (Glad that's over with!)
A: You too! (Finally got that tosser off my back!)
Why is it that we default to talking about the weather when we've got nothing to say? I don't even buy the argument of weather as the lowest common denominator--why do I write about the weather to penpals or friends far away? It has no actual relevance to anything whatsoever, and why can't we just say what we're thinking?
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3 comments:
ah, I see you are pondering the great questions of life. In the world of Communication Studies, small talk serves a needed function, and groups that try to go straight to work without this social lubrication tend not to function as well as those groups that allow some time for that. Whatever the weather. m
Was für ein Frage! I figure we default to the weather because we think it should be something we have in common. We all don't like the same food or people or do the same activities, but we should all hate the rain and love the sun. Of course, that's never quite true. Sometimes it would just be fun to throw someone for a loop and say "actually, I quite like the recent cloudy weeks." Basically, if we could say what we meant, where would we be? We never want to hurt others or have them hurt us by our honesty so we fail to be honest. Es macht auch mehr Spass! (Kristina btw)
I agree that small talk has a function. Particularly in this neck of the woods, it's an indispensable nicety that demonstrates concern for the individual over concern for the topic at hand (if there is one). That is to say, it'd be rude to jump straight into business because it's like saying, "to me, you only exist as the function for which I require you, not as a real person."
I think the problem comes from the tendency to default into the safest possible conversation topic, something that gives away nothing about your personality, for fear that the other person might find you weird if you said something personal or unexpected. Weather is, in this estimation, just about one of the least risky topics because it is so trivial or obvious that there's nothing objectionable or even remarkable about it. And an unremarkable remark in conversation is trouble.
Therefore, I propose we create an entirely new 'common denominator' of conversation. I nominate underwear. It strikes me as as good a topic as any:
-Hi!
-Hi!
-I'm wearing this great electric-blue bra which matches my belly-button ring. And yourself?
-Oh, I went commando months ago. I really appreciate the freedom. Do tell, what inspired you to get you get your belly button pierced?
-Only if you promise to tell me about your new-found freedom after.
-Deal.
And thus conversation starts. But that's just my suggestion.
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